March 2011
15 posts
Diet - Day 5
7am - random crap
9am - fiber bar and coffee
11am - macaroni and cheese
1:40 - humus and salsa and these multi-grain harvest tortilla chip things
I have come to the conclusion..
*** thanks to Midtown ***
that I am attempting self-salvation. I need help.
Diet - Day 4
10ish - ham and cheese croissant with water
12ish - soft taco and cheese roll-up and water
6ish - snacked on some animal crackers
7:30ish - chicken alfredo (WHICH WAS AMAZING BTW)
11:30ish - had a lemon cookie
Diet - Day 3
It’s the weekend so this day and the next’s diets aren’t too great.
9:15 - Fiber bar
12ish - 3 inches worth of a ham and cheese omlet
3:30 - raisin bran
10:30ish - new york cheesecake pancakes
*** Went to a show… does throwing down count as exercise? I think it does.
Diet - Day 2
Around 10 I had two eggs.
At 11:30 I ran for 30 minutes and at a little after 12 I had a fiber bar.
A little after 2 I had A plain hot dog and some fries at Rushes. With water. Probably not the best meal, but they wanted Rushes and you can’t escape unhealthy food when you go to Rushes.
At 5 I had a banana.
At 7 I had a peanut butter and jelly sandwhich.
At 9 I had some macaroni. Bad, I...
Start of Diet - Day 1
Woke up at 10 am. At 10:30 made two eggs, didn’t finish them because they were gross. So I had a fiber bar. (bring on the gas) And had water. Didn’t count calories, but oh well. I’m estimating that I’m about 128. So we’ll see how this goes.
Went to the gym around 11.
At 12:30 ate a banana and drank water.
At 2:30 ate leftover 4” tuna sub from the HOP. Yes....
I HATE MY BODY. I HATE MY BOOBS. I HATE MY BUTT. I...
I'm not a people person.
I’m at my friend Ashley’s house, and it might just be because I’m tired, but they’re all giggling and having fun and I’m by myself on the computer being tired and lame. I’m not really enjoying myself at all. It’s probably because I’m tired. But also. I feel like I’m just incapable of being funny and clever. It’s depressing....
Helpless.
I feel so helpless. So utterly helpless. I feel so alone. I’m listening to Fall by Ascend the Hill. The song completely describes how I feel. I’ve built a wall between me and God. I can’t hear Him, I can’t feel Him, I can’t see Him. I’m selfish. I want to change, I just don’t know how. And there’s no one for me to turn to. I feel like my prayers are...
Trying.
So, I’ve been reading a lot more in my bible lately. I feel a little change, but not much. I feel like what I’m reading isn’t quite hitting the spot. James wasn’t helping, John isn’t quite what I’m looking for, and so far the only thing in Psalms is David praying about how God will rescue him from his oppressors. For me… my only oppressor is myself. I...
Okay, the last post was a little much.
But really, you just have no idea. You think life is so hard with how much you hate. You just give up on people when they say something you don’t like. But imagine being me. Imagine wanting to give up on people but God not letting you sleep because you know that’s not what you’re supposed to do. You say what you want, and feel no remorse. I build up the courage to say what I want...
March 7.
TV isn’t working. That means no animal planet to preoccupy me. Sims isn’t working, for some dumb reason that has never happened before. No one interesting is online. Not that I have any interest in talking to anyone, anyway. There’s about 3 or 4 people in the world that I care to regularly talk to. Derek isn’t going to call me for awhile, but I don’t feel like talking...
Burn In Me
Fire of God Burn in me Capture my heart again Pull me through Make me clean I’m reaching for your love Come carry me now I’m crying out For someone I can not see Come carry me now I’m crying How I long to be broken How I want to be near you How my heart skips beats when Your love accepts me as I am Breath of God Breathe on me Hold me in your hands Take my life This offering...
Too much.
I find myself sitting around and analyzing the way I act and react. This can’t be healthy, especially since I can never make up my mind. Am I really insecure, or do I just want attention? Do I really act nice and love people because I genuinely want to, or because I know that’s what God wants me to do? Do I post so many pictures because I think I’m pretty, or because I want...
Inspired.
I’ve been inspired to pour my heart out. An action that rarely takes place in my life. Sure, I can express how I feel. But to dig deep, to REALLY think. To really look inside of myself and try to understand things and gain wisdom and just simply grow.. is something that has been slowly slipping away. And I refuse to let it happen.
I wish I could have my input on everything. But I know the...