March 7.
TV isn’t working. That means no animal planet to preoccupy me. Sims isn’t working, for some dumb reason that has never happened before. No one interesting is online. Not that I have any interest in talking to anyone, anyway. There’s about 3 or 4 people in the world that I care to regularly talk to. Derek isn’t going to call me for awhile, but I don’t feel like talking on the phone anyway. I can’t find anything interesting to do online. And with all of this, you’d think I’d read my bible. I can always find an excuse and right now, at this moment, the only excuse I have is that I’m writing this blog. I’m pathetic.
Hampton Dodd thinks I’m in love with him. It’s humiliating. Because I’m not. He thinks I am because I haven’t said I wasn’t. Which, I have. But my view point is, if I was to argue with him about it… wouldn’t that make me seem defensive? I don’t know. The truth is. I just care about him and his walk with God. For some reason, I just really want to see him succeed in life. Not that I think of him as younger, or less mature, or childish, at all, but it’s almost like having a child. I care about him, love him as a person, and really honestly just want the best for him. I can’t wait to see him grow into the person God has made him. Now to only transfer these feelings to everyone else in the world… seems impossible. Outside of Derek, Ashley, Hampton, and immediate family, I feel like I could just drop everyone. Just forget about them and move on with my life.
I think my problem is that God just isn’t the center of my life. I can’t fake a heart like His. I can’t fake a life that’s lead by Him. I hate fakes, yet I’m the biggest fake there is. Oh reality, you are harsh.
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